Farewell

This is Adam Borser. I am a friend of Rens's. she sent me a letter to put on her blog. Here it is

"Adam,
Please post this letter to my blog after you get it. I've enclosed the necessary password information for you to log in.

As you and my readers know, I've been preparing for well over a year to fight the incoming zombie threat. While I have yet to see any hard evidence of the inevitable necropalypse, I can't discount my intuition that the end is, in fact, neigh.

After reviewing the contents of this blog, I believe that I have left enough information to set anyone on the path to becoming a zombie hunter. While, no doubt, there are many finer points to be argued, all of the basics for zombie survival are contained within (complimented, of course, by Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide - The book that started it all). Therefore I believe that I have served my role in preparing the general public.

Because I cannot escape the sense of impending doom, I have decided to take my knowledge and my bountiful resources (both in weaponry and canned food) and move to an isolated location to implement the final phase of my zombie preparation. While I will not disclose my exact location, I can say that I have opted for a colder climate with rocky terrain outside of the American borders. While a more difficult decision, I have also decided to preemptively live off the grid, a hand crank radio being my only source of outside information.

So take what you will from this disjointed compendium of information, and remember,

NEVER GIVE IN, NEVER GIVE UP
-Melissa"

Zombie Squad in the news

The lovely folks over at the Zombie Squad were recently interviewed on the radio.

Check it out at:
KWMU News: Zombie Squad Interview

Appropriate Government Attention

Finally, the current administration is giving the undead menace the attention it deserves:

The gift that keeps on giving

Yesterday I was honored to receive a gift consisting of a machete that has its share of history:


It was used in botany expeditions (and may have even seen some zombie action!) and is at least fifty years old. Like any good weapon, its age does not make it obsolete. As far as its contemporary application: the machete is short (capable of close quarters combat), sturdy, and heavy enough to do a significant amount of damage, but light enough to carry at all times. I'm going to clean it up and sharpen it, and add it to my arsenal.

Here's a pic of me with my new weapon:

Zombies, the lesser of two evils?

For reasons relating to my previous state of unemployment, I spent the entire day at court (in a completely observational capacity) at the trial for a particularly savage beating incident. Faced with the horror of real violence executed in a fashion that can only be described as evil by people who can hardly be deemed human, I seriously question my war against the undead.

Sure, it's easy to speak in absolutes when referring to something as black and white as the walking, cannibalistic undead. But there is something innocent about zombies. They have no choice in the matter, but rather are merely carriers for a virus that can only survive by creating more and more zombies. The zombies, themselves, are mere players in a far more savage play.

But what of conscientious evil? We, as humans, are capable of horrible, horrible things. It is our responsibility to maintain our humanity, and rise above any possible vicious impulses. But what of those of us who don't?

Perhaps what I am getting at with this long-winded statement brought on by an exhausting, emotional day is that though I fear the zombie apocalypse, something far more sinister is brewing amongst us living, breathing humans. Our apathy towards our fellow human beings is much more dangerous than the virus that seeks to turn us into cannibal corpses.

Perhaps I am being overly cynical. I can only hope that the court system will provide some semblance of justice, and maybe save my perception of the human race.

Sky Flowers

Given that it is the fourth of July, this is the perfect time to test to see if the "sky flowers" theory of Land of the Dead. Anyone familiar with the latest Romero entry into his zombie lexicon will remember that the zombie resistance group used fireworks to distract the zombies leaving them open to attack. Granted, this is a plot device used to illustrate the zombies' continued evolution, but I do wonder if there is some merit to using a loud, flashy distraction to open up zombies to an attack.

Of course, there is no documented evidence of this working or not working. So tonight, if you're in the US, and happen to see a zombie or zombie horde, take a moment (provided it is safe to do so) and observe the undeads' reaction to fireworks. Please report any findings here and to your local zombie resistance force.

And why we're waiting for the necropalypse, we can all look forward to Romero's next installment, Diary of the Dead.

Side Note

I am one step closer to creating a more informed public!

My book is now available at Amazon.com
Check it out!

Reasons the previously posted suit would be cool

I've been thinking about it all weekend and decided that the last post wasn't thorough enough, given how cool that body armor is. So,
Reasons the body armor I posted about last time would be cool:

1. Total bite protection from zombies
2. Total splatter protection (no chance of getting miscellaneous blood in your mouth or eyes)
3. Complete coverage and dark coloring makes you less apparent (visually and odorifically) to the zombie menace (though you may want to remove any identifying labels... not because zombies can read, but simply because of the color contrast) so that protection may not even be necessary as you slip through the masses undetected (remains to be tested in the field)
4. Even though I selected this armor because it is zombie-proof, it is also bullet-proof in areas, making it ideal for dealing with marauders.
5. Paired with one of those huge acrylic shields (also available from the catalog) you could totally bulldoze your way through a zombie horde

Pre-Apocalyptic Reasons the suit would be cool:
1. Instant authority!
Who is going to go against a faceless, military-esque wall of a person?
2. Always have a Halloween costume
3. Scaring children (c'mon, it's fun and you know it!)

Next Big Investment

I managed to get my hands on a police/military catalog. In there I discovered my next big investment against the zombie threat. Behold, virtually zombie-proof, riot gear:

At nearly $600 this particular purchase is a ways away (plus I think you actually need to be a police officer to order it).

Damn Jinxes

As usual, my burgeoning hubris is punished by the fates.
Specifically, fate was responding to my last post, where I assert that my kicks have gotten stronger and more threatening due to the added muscle mass from running. As a result of my almost bragging, I was punished by spraining/severely bruising my foot. My favorite kicking foot to be exact.

It happened during a round of light contact sparring. Oddly, I don't think it was because of a poorly aimed kick, but rather because of a combination of having my foot stepped on combined with being on the receiving end of a takedown. Which leads me to my next point:

I've been doing more practice sparring lately, which I think has helped prepare me (at least mentally) for actual fighting (zombies or otherwise). If anything, this injury has taught me to be more conscientious of my body (and my feet) and my proximity to my opponent. Granted, sparring with a person and fighting a zombie are very different things. However, I believe that if I can improve my skills while sparring with people, this will greatly improve my zombie fighting skills.

All superstitious beliefs aside, this incident has also taught me not to become comfortable with my abilities, because there is always room for improvement.

I'm going the distance

Apparently, my muscles haven't atrophied as much as I thought they had in my time shirking my responsibilities. Since my return to the life of a zombie hunter, I've been running regularly (usually six days a week, and between five and seven miles a day). Today I was able to run seven miles without stopping (ok, except at traffic lights; cars are much faster and harder than zombies and therefore worth avoiding). I accomplished this in a little over an hour. This means that, provided I am not surrounded, I should be able to put a fair amount of ground between me and the zombie crowd in order to prepare a counter attack.

An unexpected positive that has come from all this running is that the additional muscle I've built up makes my kicks brutal. Even though my training has dictated that my kicks should be driven by my weight, the added muscle has certainly lent itself to clobbering my enemy (currently the punching bag and poor guy stuck holding a focus pad). With some steel-toe boots (or steel toe tabi) I should be able to take out a zombie with my feet alone.

The downside to all this running is that my metabolism has shot up, and I need to drink more water, more regularly. While this isn't a problem now, when supplies are scarce, it definitely could be an issue. Maybe I should invest in some water purification tablets and freeze-dried food (in addition to my home-base supplies of bottled water and canned food)...

In other news, check out this webcomic, The Zombie Hunters,
www.thezombiehunters.com

Zombie Hunter for Hire

You may remember my attempts to gain and retain employment during my brief period of "normalcy" when I neglected my duties as a zombie hunter. Unfortunately, the need for an income has pursued me in my return to fighting the good fight. One cannot pay the rent on a desire to save the human race from the undead threat (unfortunately).

One of the plot devices that I always enjoyed in the run of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the fact that Buffy cannot live a normal life due to her duties as the Slayer. One of the normal aspects which she had special difficulties with was getting and retaining a job (especially in Season 6).

Now I'm not going to claim that my life is anywhere close to that of Joss Whedon's slayer. Far from it. I have neither the supernatural powers, nor the perfect hair. However, there is a certain resonance in that my training as a zombie hunter has left me with a unique skill set that makes finding gainful employment a little tricky.

As I continue to work on my resume (and try to find an artful way of stating, "Able to brain a ghoul from thirty yards"), I'm holding out for the necropalypse before the rent situation becomes desperate.

Massachusetts and Rhode Island

I just got back from a trip to Rhode Island via Massachusetts. I spent a good chunk of time in both Boston and Providence, and it yielded surprising results.

First off, let me say that this is my first time visiting both locations. I imagined that it would be something like New York, being that all these cities are on the East coast (excuse my broad generalizations). Of course, Boston and Providence were totally different. Obviously, they were a lot less busy and intense than New York, but most shocking was the complete obliviousness to the zombie menace (again, a generalization drawn from a select group of people that I interacted with). It seems to me that cities so old (at least in terms of the United States) should have a much larger preoccupation with the supernatural. Not that zombies are supernatural, but they are often lumped in that category, and this is how most people become informed about zombies. But I've never really encountered a large group of people that didn't even know what a zombie was.

Needless to say, I had to brush up on my public speaking skills, and start informing the masses in my short trip. I think I made a little headway, but most people were dismissive. I can only hope that my sermons on the impending threat sunk into the people's subconscious, and that they will become the future army against the undead... the East Coast Line of Defense, if you will.

Zombies and Fire

No matter how you look at it, zombies and fire are a bad combination; here's why:
Zombies (unlike humans) do not feel pain. So fire is not a deterrent in the same sense that it would be for a human. It doesn't initiate any kind of avoidance on the part of the zombie. Of course, it will have the same physical effect on a zombie as it would a human, the zombie will deteriorate at an accellerated rate due to combustion. In other words, you will have a big, stinky, charred zombie mess. Ultimately, this is not a bad thing. It is what happens in the interim that is problematic.

Since the fire will not cause hesitation on the part of the zombie, the zombie will continue to remain mobile, until the fire destroys said mobility. This means that the zombie has the potential to spread the fire, to the surroundings and perhaps back to you (and you don't want to put "stop, drop, and roll" to the test when trying to escape from a zombie). So if this zombie is in or near combustible materials you have the potential to become trapped by the fire (which humans should avoid).

The second, and perhaps more important reason, not to use fire is because of the attention is draws. Specifically, zombie attention. If you're on a non-zombie-populated, deserted island, fire works really good for signalling. However, zombies are drawn to movement, and a flaming, stumbling zombie in the dead of night surely qualifies as movement.

This is not to say that fire can't be used under controlled circumstances. Fire is very good at disposing of zombie corpses and limiting the possibility for contamination. But steps need to be taken to ensure that the fire does not spread, nor does it attract attention. But fire should not be used as a weapon against zombies.

On a incredibly unrelated side note, a friend sent me a link for this zombie t-shirt, which I think is a really nice design, and it might serve its purpose if you're ever caught in a zombie situation and your mind draws a complete blank. Plus it gets bonus points for a cool picture:

Design by Olly Moss, available at Threadless.com

The burden of proof

One problem with being a zombie hunter in a mostly zombie-free world is that no one believes you when you try to save the world by warning everyone about the zombie menace. This is a tough burden to bear because there is no real proof of the impending threat. Oh sure, there is plenty of anecdotal evidence. Or evidence that my insinuate a zombie situation. But no hard proof. I chalk this up to some sort of over-reaching conspiracy to keep the public complacent. Regardless of the reasoning behind the lack evidence, the zombie hunter still has to convince people of the threat in spite of hard proof.

So how does one do this?
I think the best response is to lead by example. My (occasionally wavering) faith that the human race is doomed to perish by undead hands leads me to behave in a certain way. As far as I can tell there is absolutely no major drawbacks for preparing for this inevitable doom. I am physically fit (despite my potato chip indiscretions), capable of defending myself and others, and have a much more expansive knowledge of science, particularly in the field of biology. Yeah, I do get the occasional wayward glance, and mother shielding her child from my presence, but for the most part, many people are more than willing to engage in a conversation about the necropalypse. This doesn't mean that I convince everyone I talk to, but I like to think that I plant the seed for understanding the zombie threat. Maybe the person in question just dismisses me as a crazy (and I'm okay with that), but maybe on some subconscious level they start to fear the undead menace and take some of the necessary precautions (even if it is only a subconscious level). At the very least I hope that our conversation has caused the other person to be suspicious of any moaning they hear and lurching they see.

I'll put the question to anyone reading this: How do you deal with being a zombie hunter in a (mostly) zombie-less world?