Monday, July 13, 2009

Taking Leave

Hyrion, it turns out you were right. Something did happen on my ominous day, but something much more banal than a zombie attack.

Without going into detail, I experienced a very personal and deep loss. This event has given me a lot to think about and I feel the need to retire from this blog, at least temporarily.

I apologize to my readers for this sudden need for introspection. Please take care and stay vigilant in my absence.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Ominous Day

I was taking a walk today. A little warm out, but generally a nice day. A couple blocks from my home I got an eerie feeling. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up; I shivered, and a cold breeze made the sky overcast. I got the feeling, right there, that it had begun.

Almost ominously, I looked down and there was a shovel. It was very much like when you start a video game, weapon-less, and you have to grab whatever you first come across. Of course, I wasn't completely weaponless, what with my boot knife, but I couldn't help but feel that the shovel was there for a reason.

So I picked it up, hoping that my neighbors would understand that I needed whatever I could get to stop the zombie threat. At this point I decided it would be best to continue on my walk to reconnoiter the situation.

Several blocks later, it happened: NOTHING. I got back to my house incident free and one stolen shovel richer. God, sometimes I hate the pre-apocalypse.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Coolness in the face of adversity, cont'd

This is in response to Hyrion's comment last week, about a great way to perfect your coolness when everything around you is going to shit. Hyrion suggested becoming a firefighter. And I have to second this fantastic idea. First and foremost it trains you to react logically under pressure. It also prepares you for adverse conditions (a burning building may closely resemble the terrain after the necropalypse). You are forced to wear cumbersome clothing (which, from what I understand, can weigh in excess of 50lbs) thus preparing you for carrying supplies. Plus you are trained to use things which could possibly serve as zombie weapons.

What is probably the most appealing feature of this possible career path is the fact that not only are you preparing for fighting the zombie threat, but you are also benefiting society while training. I'm all for training to your fullest ability before the necropalypse, especially if you can find a way to train without becoming a sociopath. A word of caution, if you choose this noble pursuit, you may want to leave the "future zombie hunter" off of your entrance essay.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

PBS Zombie Article

I was interviewed by Mike Rosen-Molina, along with several others, for a PBS article about Zombie Bloggers. Check it out:

Zombie Bloggers Create Communal Horror Stories

The article features several other zombie bloggers and zombie websites, and is definitely worth checking out.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Responses to Zombie Practice

Regarding the comments on my previous post...

Hyrion, I would have to agree that working at a butcher's or in a slaughter house would desensitize you to violence, blood, guts, and perhaps even familiarize you with anatomy. However, I can't help but feel that there one may lose something even more precious by the regular slaughter of (non-zombie) animals. Most non-sociopaths will feel some recoil by the taking of lives. I believe that one can respectfully take an animal's life in order to receive sustenance. However, I also believe this is much different than fighting for your life against zombies. Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive, but I would worry that I might lose some of my humanity by the callous taking of lives as is required by employment in a slaughterhouse. Perhaps more practically speaking, I would also worry about sustaining a serious injury, as slaughterhouses are one of the most dangerous fields of employment.

This is not to say that there is no value in understanding the connection between your food and the animal it comes from. So often, in the grocery store, we purchase meat without a thought as to the fact that it came from a living creature. When the necropalypse occurs, I believe that we are going to have to all become intimately aware of this connection in order to survive.

I'm going to end this tangent by saying that I recently acquired my Wisconsin fishing license, and am going to start procuring my own food in a legal manner.

Returning to the concept of working in a horrific and startling workplace (like a haunted house, or Graveyard Records), I think the idea I was trying to get at was trying to find a way to overcome being startled and reacting out of fear, instead of being startled and having a rational defensive response. Obviously, the worst thing you could do in the event of the necropalypse is panic. Finding ways to overcome that "panic response" in favor of a rational response is crucial in these non-apocalyptic times.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Zombie Practice?

I recently went to a local store in Cudahy called Graveyard Records. I was impressed with their macabre window display and hearse parked out front.

When I walked in the store the only thing I could say was a breathless, "wow". Horror-based action figures floor-to-ceiling, countless replicas of movie props, all topped by a shrine to Rob Zombie's (appropriate, no?) Halloween, featuring many of the costumes used in the film.

What struck me as most interesting, given my constant search for ways to train for the zombie threat, was the almost haunted-house-like set-up of the store. The aisles are tiny and you are forced through a set passageway, which has many twists and turns. At nearly every turn you are greeted with a full-sized mannequin decked out in full horror regalia. By the time I left the store, my nerves were exhausted from constantly reacting to my paranoid sense that there was someone behind me.

This made me think, would being constantly subjected to such an environment (like the employees most certainly are) cause you to be desensitized to the upcoming constant horror of the necropalypse? Such a thing could be useful. Conversely, one could get so used to having monsters and zombies constantly looming around you that you are no longer have the correct response to an actual zombie. To become too casual around the threat is a weakness.

Friday, June 19, 2009

The Authorities

Thank you to everyone who was prepared to hunt down the zombie version of me, should that be the cause of my previous absence. That certainly would have been a ironic twist (or perhaps not so ironic since I expect that my training will eventually put me in contact with the undead threat, perhaps before the general public). I am glad so many people are willing to step up to their responsibility of insuring the survival of the human race.

Christopher sent me this link during my absence, sorry for the delay in mentioning it, but I think it is really noteworthy:
Boston PD acknowledges zombie threat

My first reaction was one of relief. Finally, the authorities are recognizing that civilians have deep seated concerns about the impending zombie menace. My second reaction was one of paranoia. What if the Boston PD is trying to lure the public into a false sense of security? What if this is part of an overall conspiracy to make the public complacent and less likely to react to a zombie threat when it actually does happen?

Regardless of my unbridled paranoia, I truly hope that this story represents a turning point in the public understanding of the zombie threat.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Reporting to duty

"There comes a time in every man's life when decisions have to be made.
Whether to toil, to labor, or just plain piss your days away"

As every pre-apolcalyptic zombie hunter discovers, there are times when your secular life overwhelms your higher calling. My absence is inexcusable. I am not going to try to explain it away, other than to say that my attentions were needed elsewhere. I apologize for neglecting my duties; I will attempt to resume a regular posting schedule.

Thank you to everyone who has wished me well, and inquired as to my well-being. I am happy to say that I am nearly recovered from my shoulder surgery (being able to lift my arm over my head is a wonderful ability). While I continue training on my own, I have changed my routine to accommodate my healing and reduce the likelihood of future injuries. The fragility of the human body has been made abundantly clear to me.

Saturday, February 07, 2009


The nice thing about being out in the middle of nowhere without civilization creeping up on you is that you have time to focus and reflect. Lately, I have been consumed with banal crap that eats up all my time. Unfortunately, in these pre-apocalyptic times, jobs, rent, and social obligation all infringe on valuable time that could be used for preparing for the apocalypse.

These everyday complications are in addition to the worsening of my shoulder injury. My range of motion has decreased considerably and my ability to sleep has been compromised by the reoccuring pain. Because of these worsening symptoms, I have elected to get surgery to repair the damage that has been done. Needless to say, this was a difficult decision to make, what with my distrust of doctors and fear of incapacitation. As I posted previously though, I still believe it is better to fix this injury now rather than have to deal with it during the apocalypse.

After several conversations with my doctor, I am fairly certain that he is legit. Even so, I will be accompanied by one of my friends who I trust in case the nation succumbs to a zombie threat. Hopefully, this temporary inconvenience will allow me to once again resume training against the zombie threat.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Way to take initiative

Hackers Crack Into Texas Road Sign, Warn of Zombies Ahead

I commend this hacker's effort to warn the public of the impending zombie menace. Too bad the gesture was unappreciated. From Chris Lippincott, director of media relations for the Texas Department of Transportation, "It's sort of amusing, but not at all helpful."

Not at all helpful?!? I question Mr. Lippincott's allegiance to the human race.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Becoming Zombie

Something has been on my mind lately.
Throughout my zombie training, I have subjected myself to rigorous desensitization combined with a strict physical regimen (ideally anyway). The idea being that these things would make me a more formidable zombie hunter.

Taken to the extreme (which due to societal and financial restraints, I haven't been able to do yet) the training necessary to become the ultimate hunter turns you into a zombie of sorts. Of course I don't mean the horrible flesh-eating, rotting menace that plagues my nightmares, but rather a zombie in the metaphorical sense. When one ceases to think and question, does one not become a mindless entity, perhaps only capable of the hive mentality that is the zombie threat?

Obviously, by writing this post, I am asserting my humanity. And it is perhaps through this awareness that I will be able to avoid becoming the mindless opposition to the mindless threat. I can only hope that I will continue to have this awareness once the necropalypse occurs, and survival is the only goal.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Obama knows the score

It's been in the news since his inauguration, but Obama got a new transport that rivals anything else out there right now, besides, perhaps a tank.

Of course, Obama's people are stating that this car is to protect the president no matter what the circumstances, but a quick look at the stats indicate a clear preoccupation with the zombie threat:

I, for one, am pleased that the possibility of zombie attack is being considered a national threat. Perhaps soon some government funding will be directed at preventing the zombie menace.

Thursday, January 22, 2009


I stupidly decided to go for a run today... outside. My shoulder has been acting up since I've been working out on the elliptical and I thought I would give it a break today. Rather than drive all the way to the gym, I figured I would tough it out and go for a run.
As you can see, I prepared by bundling up in my mismatched winter gear. Even so it wasn't enough. About two miles into my run, the combination of sweat and below freezing temperatures resulted in catastrophic leg failure. Ok, that's an exaggeration, but I started cramping up and becoming very chilled with another mile and a half to go.

Regardless, there was a lesson learned here. My personal physical limitations, as well as the drawbacks of my sweat-absorbing workout clothes were made dramatically apparent.

But this isn't what pissed me off. I walked the last block to my abode, past some local construction. As I hobbled, swearing to myself, the line of construction guys catcalled at me. I thought it was barely obvious that I was even a woman. But that's not the point. Catcalls are just plain rude. Even though I vowed to never use my zombie-hunting skills against people (pre-apocalyptically, anyway), a big part of me wanted to turn around and bitch-slap the whole line. I had to work out an extra half-hour afterward just to let loose the rage in a healthy fashion.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Back at the gym

I honored my resolve today and returned to the gym. In the interest of working on my arms (which I pretty much hate doing) I decided to work out on an elliptical machine. Turns out it wasn't actually an elliptical machine but rather some sort of medieval torture device masquerading as exercise equipment. It seemed to be designed to cause all of your limbs to simultaneously flail in all directions. After I managed to dismount this monstrosity, I went for a run and got some real exercise.

I suppose the machine wasn't all bad; it demanded coordination and encouraged problem-solving. Still, when I exercise, I prefer to set my body to work and allow my mind to work on other problems I've encountered throughout the day. I'm going to try to go back to the gym tomorrow, provided that it's not warm enough to run outside (outside running is much more preferable). If I do go tomorrow I am going to try to strike a balance between the elliptical (the real one, this time) and running.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

when did this happen

It snuck up on me. Between moving back to the land of processed food and easy transportation, getting sick, and sub-zero temperatures I've gotten a little flabby. Imagine my surprise when I decided to do some crunches and push-ups (since my routine got disrupted from being sick) and I could no longer do them in any quantity.

I realize now that I will have to go to the gym more, as much as I despise going there it is a necessary evil. Perhaps instead of viewing it as the soul-sucking abomination that it is, I should approach the gym as a place to spread the word about the zombie menace. I've converted people in the past.

Me: So why are you working out?
Random Guy: To get washboard abs!
Me: Zombies don't care about washboard abs!
Random Guy: What?
Me: You know, zombies? It's a good start, but washboard abs are the least of your concerns
Random Guy:...
Me: How far do you think you could run while carrying a sixty pound pack of supplies? Do you feel confident that you could disable and kill an incoming zombie while wearing said pack? For that matter, what's your weaponry training?
Random Guy:...
Me: I'm just saying....